Unafraid
by AstonSilver
Summary: Most people are afraid of change. But Merlin's tired of being scared.
Merlin had always been so, so tired. It was a bone-deep exhaustion that no one could understand should they be made aware of it. Because none of those who could know by watching knew the destiny the young warlock held, the loneliness that came with his power.

In fact, they didn't even know he _had_ any power. Just that he was always there and always seemed to survive everything they faced, even when several Knights fell.

And now, it seemed, this exhaustion had finally caught up with Merlin. He'd slowly faded away until he was just a slight presence in their lives.

And it bothered them all something awful, because this just wasn't their Merlin.

Mordred had recently begun to understand just how close the Knights were to the warlock, and he could see that though they didn't know him as well as they believed, they stood by him just as loyally as they did the King and Camelot.

He was surprised when Merlin managed to look shocked by this loyalty one day when it was expressed by the Knights in form of their concern for him.

" _What's wrong, Emrys?"_

Merlin's eyes flitted to Mordred's before he shook his head, shrugging them all off. Shortly after, Merlin's voice echoed in Mordred's mind. " _They wouldn't be like this if they knew me as well as they claimed,"_

So that was it, Mordred mused. He'd lost hope that his friends would see him as him when, if, they found out about his magic.

And so, one evening when the King and Knights were all sitting around in the Tavern, Mordred decided to bring it up.

Merlin wasn't there, so he couldn't react poorly to it.

"May I ask a question of all of you?"

Arthur motioned for him to go ahead, smiling into his drink.

Mordred waited patiently for them to be paying attention and for Arthur to have set the drink down again. "I was wondering, because of my travels and time with Druids, if you could tell me your opinions on magic?"

A stony silence fell over them.

Leon was the first to speak. "There is a law against it's practices, but.." he trailed off, throwing a look at Arthur before he shrugged. "I believe it to be a tool. Magic has saved my life before, so surely it can't be all bad,"

And just like that, the ripples in the water that had happened started to smooth back out.

Arthur was the only one who remained silent as his Knights spoke of magic and their personal opinions on it.

When Mordred looked to him, Arthur hesitated before he looked away. "I'm not sure," he admitted after a moment, meeting Mordred's gaze again. "On one hand, my family has suffered many times due to it, but at the same time...maybe I haven't seen all it can do?"

Mordred gave him an understanding smile, and Arthur found himself spending the rest of the evening considering the taboo topic.

* * *

The following morning, Arthur asked the same question Mordred had posed. "Merlin?"

The servant hummed curiously, an ever-present smile showing.

"What are your thoughts on magic?"

Merlin froze, stiffened for a moment before he looked at Arthur. "Why?"

Arthur shrugged. "Curious. The Knights and I had a discussion of our opinions on it last night, and I wanted to know your opinion as well,"

Merlin hesitated before turning back to staring at the scene out the window.

"You speak highly of the places that are sacred to the Old Religion and its people," Arthur pointed out. "Why?"

And for all it was worth, Merlin ignored it for a while, looking troubled. "I...have seen it used for both good and evil," he said hesitantly.

Arthur waited patiently, and Merlin glanced over at him.

"I believe it is not the magic that is evil, but the person's intent who wields it for ill,"

"Thank you, Merlin," Arthur said, leaving his servant standing at the window looking slightly lost.

* * *

Over the next week, the conversation didn't die out. And it scared Merlin. While he knew that none of them knew besides Mordred and Gauis, he feared that someone would start to suspect.

The Knights noticed he was jumpier than usual and Mordred found himself feeling slightly guilty.

"What has gotten into you, Merlin?" Gwaine asked one morning.

Merlin glanced at him before he smiled. "I have no idea what you're talking about,"

Gwaine gave him a serious look and Merlin found his smile disappearing. "You know very well what I'm talking about. You're nervous, Merlin. Why? Is it all the talk of magic going around?"

Merlin looked down, stubbornly refusing to answer.

"Why?"

Merlin threw a wary glance around at the Knights before he shook his head. "It wasn't rare for someone to accuse a child of sorcery in Ealdor if something went wrong," he offered, not lying but not telling them his entire reason. "I've been on the receiving end of such accusations, and I have felt the pain of retribution against such accused people. And with all the talk of magic going around, how long is it until the same happens here?"

A strange silence fell over them.

"They...punished you in Ealdor for being suspected of having magic?"

Merlin's eyes found Mordred, noting the anger and shock hiding in the Druid's eyes.

No response came, for the King found his way to them and got training started. And for once, Merlin had never been happier for such an occurrence.

* * *

"How long until he starts to suspect?"

Merlin glanced back to see Mordred standing at the stable doors. He sighed, glad that he was alone as he worked.

Mordred stepped inside and held Merlin's gaze. "I didn't expect the King to be so...focused,"

"I know," Merlin said. He'd long since realized it was Mordred who brought it up. "He won't have long to suspect. I've grown tired of this act, Mordred, and I've decided that if he wishes to execute me for who I am then he was never the friend I thought him to be,"

The familiar words left a bitter taste in Merlin's mouth, but he ignored it.

Mordred stared at Merlin in surprise before he nodded. "You're stronger than most give you credit for, Emrys,"

Merlin gave a fake smile as he returned to his word, and Mordred took it as his dismissal.

* * *

Later that evening, when Merlin took the King's dinner to him, he found himself nervous.

Arthur noticed as well, as Merlin busied himself tidying the room up as the King ate.

"What's gotten into you?"

Merlin looked at him before he swallowed roughly. "Arthur, I..."

But he couldn't force the words out.

Arthur watched him, a slow concern rising in his chest.

"You asked me my opinion on magic weeks ago," Merlin said after a moment. "What is yours?"

Arthur held his gaze before he frowned. "After much thought, as well as discussions with you and my Knights, I have come to see it as a tool." he said, wary. "Why would you ask such a thing, Merlin?"

Merlin hesitated again, his eyes leaving the King.

" _Mer_ lin," Arthur said again, and Merlin found the words leaving him before he was aware of what he was doing.

"I have magic,"

Silence fell, and Arthur stared at his servant for a moment. "I don't believe you," he stated calmly.

Merlin met Arthur's eyes before he moved forward. "I can prove it,"

Arthur hesitated, but nodded his assent, so Merlin's eyes went to the candle on the table in front of Arthur before flashing gold, causing part of the flame to break away and form a scene in front of them.

Arthur's eyes went between his servant and the scene in front of him. Once it had faded, his eyes went to Merlin.

Silence fell and Merlin found himself looking down. "I was born with it,"

Arthur swallowed roughly before he nodded. "You're dismissed," he said quietly. "Be here in the morning, but I need time...just go,"

Merlin nodded, leaving without a word.

He made it halfway to Gauis' chambers before his legs failed him and he found himself on the stone floor.

He lowered his head and didn't bother to try to find the strength to pull himself up to continue. Instead, he just curled against the wall and let his head fall back.

"You okay?"

Merlin looked aside to see Mordred standing nearby, obviously on his way to his own chambers for the evening. "I told him,"

Mordred nodded, sitting down beside Merlin. "He'll come 'round," he promised. "You mean much to our King, and he'd be a fool to turn you away now, Emrys."

Merlin gave a faint smile at these words, but didn't respond.

Mordred stayed with him until first light, talking quietly until the warlock drifted off.

When Merlin found himself waking to find Mordred awake next to him, he frowned. "What...Mordred?"

The Druid smiled at the warlock. "You think I'd leave you to your thoughts in your darkest moment?"

"Maybe," Merlin admitted with a shrug, getting up. "I should..."

"His Majesty awaits, does he?" Mordred asked, standing as well. "Take care, I'll..."

"Tell the others," Merlin finished, more a request.

Mordred nodded and walked away.

This gave Merlin a moment to straighten himself and head towards Arthur's chambers. He stood staring at the door for a moment before he put a smile on and burst into the room as normal, going to pull the curtains aside. "Rise and shine!" he called.

Arthur groaned, but looked over at Merlin. "You came?"

"Always," Merlin said simply with a strange look. "You're lost without me, you expect me to forget that?"

Arthur took that as meaning that there was no bad blood between the two and brought himself to get up.

* * *

It took a while for them to grow used to Merlin's magic, and even more so to come to terms that they were fighting alongside another sorcerer in form of Mordred, but none of them seemed too far against the idea.

"This is it," Mordred commented the day that Arthur repealed the ban on magic. "This is the dawn of Albion's Golden Age. The prophecies came true,"

Merlin threw a look over at the Druid to find awed happiness in his eyes and grinned. "Of course," he replied, tone teasing. "Did you doubt it would happen?"

Mordred shrugged. "Thank you, Emrys,"

"What, why?"

Arthur joined them then as the announcement ended and he shook his head at the two. "To think it's all because of the likes of the clumsiest, most inefficient servant in the entire world that this happens," he remarked.

Mordred grinned as the question was answered.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Thanks," he drawled sarcastically, but smiled at Arthur, letting him see his true meaning.

* * *

Surprisingly, it took little time for most of the Kingdom to adjust to the ban on magic being repealed.

And Merlin found himself feeling more free than he ever had.

* * *

 **Yeah, so...I just wanted to write. Sorry if it's jumbled or whatever.  
**

 **-Sky.**


End file.
